How the “Sandwich Generation” Handles Retirement

You probably have a lot of goals for your retirement. Each person has their own dream retirement, but whatever it is that you want to do now that you’re out of the workforce, it probably involves finally having the time to pursue your passions. That’s one of the dreams of retirement: time that you can spend however you wish.

However, just because you’re no longer working, it doesn’t mean that other life responsibilities suddenly disappear. In fact, for a lot of retirees, many new responsibilities arise. One particular new duty that may come up involves caring for your elderly parents.

If you retire in your 60s, there’s a good chance that your parents will likely be close to 90 by the time you retire. This means they’ll likely require additional care that wasn’t needed before. This can be physically tough, emotionally draining, and require significant time and resources. 

The Implications of Caring for Elderly Parents in Retirement

Many people are able to live independently, even into their 80s and 90s. However, even an elderly person who is living on their own may still require care or assistance in at least some ways. They might have difficulty walking and therefore need help with shopping. They might have trouble getting up and down stairs, so it’s hard for them to leave the house without assistance. Even if they’re living perfectly fine 90% of the time, you probably still have to check in on them from time-to-time make sure they’re okay.

This doesn’t just require significant time, but it also makes you carry a strong emotional and mental burden. It’s hard to focus on the rest of your retirement when you always have a thought in the back of your mind about the health and welfare of your parents.

There is also a significant financial impact to caring for elderly parents. An estimate from 2018 found that the median direct and indirect costs of caregiving are $180,000 over two years. Those costs (like most healthcare costs) have increased over time. Spending around $100,000 a year to care for an ageing parent is very difficult. Even if you are in a situation where costs are lower (since these numbers take into account some opportunity costs), it’s still very expensive to care for someone else. In the case of a retired couple who still have both parents, that’s money (and time) spent on four people.

This can be emotionally very difficult. Though there are certainly some exceptions, most retirees love their parents. They want what’s best for them and they don’t want to leave them struggling if they can help. In fact, a lot of people would rather provide the care themselves instead of asking another person or organization for assistance. You know your parents, you know what they like and dislike, and you can care for them better than anyone else, right? That’s the thinking a lot of people have. 

There’s also the fact that your parents are probably more comfortable with you caring for them than they would be with someone else. They may not want someone else in their home helping them with medical care or bringing in groceries or anything else. 

However, while you may be helping your elderly parents for very good reasons, and you may have good intentions while doing it, the reality is that it takes a toll. 

What Caring for Elderly Parents Means for Your Retirement

If you’re spending a lot of time and money caring for your parents, this changes your retirement. Perhaps you won’t be able to travel extensively because you don’t want to spend that much time away from your mom or dad. It can even be difficult to plan a single day outing because you never know what will come up or when you’ll need to provide care.

The financial impact of caregiving also drastically changes your retirement. If you’re spending a large amount of money helping your parents, this is money that you don’t have for your own retirement.

In addition to the emotional, mental, and physical toll that the actual caregiving gives you, there’s also the potential guilt. If you know or believe that your parent can get the best care from you, you’ll feel bad letting someone else do it. If your parent gave you a supportive life while you were growing up and cared for you when you needed it, you might feel like you owe them the same, and the feel guilty if you’re not doing it. 

There is also the fact that you are getting older. It’s difficult to care for an elderly person when you are in your 30s. By the time you reach retirement age, you may have your own health and medical conditions or physical challenges. It’s hard to help with household chores or physical tasks when you are already facing your own limitations. 

The Advantages

It’s possible to look at all the potential implications of caring for an elderly relative and think that there are only negatives. Of course, this isn’t true. Caring for a parent can give you a strong sense of purpose. This is something that a lot of retirees are looking for. While you were working, you had a purpose. Your job provided you with goals that you wanted to accomplish. Retirement can look a lot more like a blank slate. This can be exciting, but it can also be scary. It can leave you feeling lost and unsure of where you fit in. Providing care gives you that purpose.

Caring for an elderly parent can also help strengthen the bond between the two of you. While you were working, you were probably very busy and that may have meant that you weren’t able to spend a lot of time with your parents. This can now be a time where you can restore those bonds.

What to Watch Out For

It is possible to care for an elderly relative when you’re retired. However, it requires being aware of the realities of the situation and remembering that you have your own needs as well.

The first thing to watch out for is your own health and wellbeing. Caring for another person, regardless of their health situation or your own, can be quite demanding. While you may want to provide this care (or you may feel like it’s your responsibility), do not neglect yourself. You need to have time for yourself. You need physical space to relax and recover. Make sure to take time and space for yourself.

Know that, depending on the situation, you cannot do it all on your own. Yes, you may feel like you should be doing it and both you and your parent may believe that you do a better job than someone else, but there are certain tasks that are better handled by others. A way to make this easier for both you and your parent is to split up the responsibilities. You can’t do everything, but you can probably do some things.

Talk to your parent about this situation and work something out. You may want to offer to help them with shopping, if they enjoy shopping with you, but tell them that you’re doing to have someone else take them to their weekly doctor’s appointments. There are services out there that can help with this, such as community services and other resources. 

It’s important that both you and your parents know that you want to help them, but that it’s not always possible for you to do it all.