Building a Retirement for Introverts

There’s a lot of pressure in retirement. That might sound strange at first, and you might not expect it, but it’s true for many people. It doesn’t seem that way from the outside, though. Before you retire, you probably think of your retirement years as a relaxing opportunity to basically do whatever you want.

Sometimes that’s true.

However, there is definitely pressure. The first kind of pressure comes from yourself. It’s common for retirees to feel like they must have the “perfect retirement” or that they’re “wasting it” if they’re not doing things a certain way. Have you ever been sitting around the house on a nice sunny day and you start to feel guilty? You should be outside in the nice weather, or you should be out on an adventure, shouldn’t you? Besides, there are so many errands you could be running right now, and don’t the back steps still need to be repaired?

Sometimes retirement can feel like that. You get in your head and start thinking about what you “should be doing” instead of what you actually want to do.

The other type of pressure comes from those around you. 

When you’re retired, other people place expectations on you. This both means what they think you should do and in terms of the social demands they place on you. The second option is one that many retirees struggle with most. 

Social Pressure When You’re Retired

When you’re retired, people often assume you have unlimited free time. This means they could place unrealistic expectations on you. For example, if a friend wants to have dinner on Friday night and you say you’re busy, they may think “How are you busy? Don’t you have all the time in the world?”

This type of thinking can lead to unfair expectations and even arguments and hurt feelings. The truth is, when you’re retired, there is a lot going on that others may not expect or consider. It’s not just unlimited free time and you often can’t drop everything to attend a social gathering.

There’s also the fact that, if you’re an introvert, you find social situations tiring. This doesn’t mean that you don’t like people or that you don’t enjoy time with others, but it can leave you feeling overloaded and exhausting. That means you need a lot less of it than many other people or at least a lot more time to cover between outings.

This can be easier to do when you’re working. When you have a full-time job, people are more understanding if you say you’re busy or tired or otherwise unavailable. While you certainly don’t need to make any excuses for yourself or your lifestyle, the truth remains that there is more pressure to socialize when you don’t have as many reasons to say no.

The Good Side of Retirement for Introverts

That’s not to say that everything about retirement is tough for introverts. In fact, there are a lot of positives. The first is that you have more say over your schedule, which means you also have more say over how and when you socialize.

In the workplace, you don’t have much control over your interactions. Depending on your job, you probably spend a lot of your time working alongside others and engaging with people all day long can be tiring.  There’s also lunch time chit chat, work social events, meetings, and an array of other interactions that can leave you feeling drained. 

You also have less time to recover from these experiences. If you had a day with a lot of meetings and social activities at work on Wednesday, you’re still expected to come in and be full of energy on Thursday, even if your social battery ran out the day before and you haven’t yet recharged.

In retirement, you can set your schedule. If you need a day or two to recover after a big event, you can give yourself this time. It’s one of the biggest advantages of retirement for introverts. 

How to Build the Right Retirement for You

One of the first things new retirees should learn is the importance of building their own retirement the way they want it. What other people want from retirement and what other people see as success doesn’t necessarily have to be what you strive for or what you’re happy with.

A great exercise for someone who is newly retired is to take time and write down your goals and your interests. You’ve spent a long time working in a certain field and, over time, your goals and the way you spend your time has become tied into your work. Now that you’re retired, you can change your priorities and think about yourself instead.

This is a big change in your life, so it’s one that you’ll have to get used to. It’s common for new retirees to feel overwhelmed by the blank slate that’s in front of them. You might feel anxious, find it difficult to fill the hours, or struggle to switch from “work mode” to designing your retirement life the way you want it to be. 

Think about what matters most to you. Some people want to spend their retirement focusing on their hobbies (or taking up new hobbies), some want to focus on travel, while others may dedicate themselves to learning new things or taking new courses. If you brainstorm what you’d like to see from your retirement, you’ll achieve a few goals at once.

First, you’ll put your mind at ease. Uncertainty can be scary, but planning resolves uncertainty and it can help you focus your efforts.

It also lets you see the opportunities in front of you. You’ll be able to picture your retirement and start structuring it, so you’ll have more control over your life. This will let you plan for the level and frequency of social activity you want.

Some Social Activity is Critical

Even if you’re an introvert, some amount of social activity is still important. Forming and maintaining social connections is a big part of remaining cognitively strong as you age. You may find that having fewer connections and fewer social gatherings allows you to better focus on building meaningful relationships. You’ll also have more time between outings to rest and recover.

Planning and scheduling are a huge part of retirement and that includes social activity. One of the ways to resolve the problem of people thinking you have unlimited time is to structure your time. Then, if someone asks you to do something and you’re unavailable, you’ll know when your next availability is. This can prevent hurt feelings or others believing they’re being overlooked. You’ll also be able to control when and how often you socialize, so that it doesn’t get too much.

Remember that social activity doesn’t necessarily have to mean spending time at a friend’s house or going out for dinner. You can connect with others socially while doing many of the other things you enjoy, as well. For instance, if you’re taking a class, this is an opportunity to socialize. The same is true if you’re participating in a hobby. 

Socializing in this manner can feel less stressful and more natural because you’re not “getting together to talk.” Instead, you’re doing something you enjoy with others who also enjoy it. However, this doesn’t mean you need to socialize during these activities if you don’t feel like doing so.That is truly one of the best parts of retirement: it is what you make it. Many introverts thrive in retirement because they’re able to set more of the rules and structure themselves. You’ll have more time to recharge, more time for self-reflection, and the ability to maintain a social circle that makes