Dealing with Regret 

When most people think of retirement, they think about relaxing, enjoying themselves, and finally reaping the benefits of all those years they worked all those long hours. However, for a lot of people, retirement isn’t all sunshine, rainbows, and golf courses. Regret in retirement is real and it’s a big problem for many people.

For some, it takes the form of missing your career. For the last 40 years, you probably spent most of your life at a job. A lot of your weekday hours were occupied by going to work, working, coming home from work, thinking about work, and getting ready for work. Once you retire, that all changes. For a lot of people, this is difficult. 

You miss the structure, you miss the routine, you miss having a purpose, and you probably miss the people as well. Sometimes it can be enough that you regret retiring and wish you could return to the workforce.

On the other hand, some people regret how much time they spent at work. Maybe you worked through holidays, sacrificed vacations and special events, and spent long hours at your job. Now that you’re retired, you might be looking back with regret. You may wish you stopped to smell the roses a bit more.

For others, it’s a different kind of retirement regret. When you retire, you have more time to reflect. During your working days, it probably felt very go-go-go all the time, but when you’re done working, you might start looking back a bit more. Some people look back on their working days with pride, but others regret the path they took. Maybe you didn’t truly follow your dreams, maybe you stayed in a job you hated for too long, or maybe you didn’t take certain risks and now you regret the way life unfolded.

Regardless of the reason for your regret, the reality is there are a lot of emotional and psychological aspects that come along with retirement. How you deal with them can greatly affect the rest of your life.

Handling Retirement Regret

It’s important to remember that every person handles retirement differently. In some cases, this depends on your circumstances. There’s often a big difference between choosing to retire and having retirement thrust upon you (such as in the case of a layoff), for example. 

Even so, there are a few phases that most people go through when they retire.

There are often feelings of sadness or loneliness during this time. It can even feel 
disorienting. These are all natural and common feelings. Giving yourself a new purpose and a new way to identify yourself can help. 

Changing routines: At the same time as you are saying goodbye to different aspects of life, you’ll need to start welcoming new changes. Things are different when you retire, both in terms of your daily routines and how you interact with people. Friendships and relationships change.  

It will take some time for you to navigate these changes. A good way to approach this time is by doing this that are the most meaningful to you and spending your time with those who matter the most. Adding value to your days can help you have a positive attitude, not one filled with regret. Take up a new hobby or volunteer, for instance. These can be great ways to start new routines and identify yourself in new ways. 

Reflection: It’s natural to look back at your career and your life when you retire. This doesn’t have to be a negative experience. While there may be some things that you wish turned out differently, try to steer your thoughts in positive directions as well. What are you proud of? What did you accomplish? What did you enjoy? Focusing on the good can help you appreciate the life you’ve lived. Keeping a journal of things you’re grateful for or thing you loved doing can help.

One thing that many retirees do is try to create a legacy. Even if your work life didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, there’s a chance to achieve something new in retirement. Share your stories, your expertise, and your knowledge with others, for example. Volunteer or assist with causes that matter to you.

Everyone will have some regrets in their lives and many are unavoidable. However, by taking time to think about the positives and by making plans to do meaningful things that make you feel good, you’ll spend more of your time thinking about the future and when you think back to the past, you won’t view it through such a negative lens.