Different Spending Habits For Couples

Saving enough money for retirement is a crucial part of enjoying your post-work years. A big part of that is figuring out your budget and how much you’re going to spend. That allows you to save enough to meet your needs.

However, what happens in a couple when one person has very different spending habits than the other. When your retirement planning is based on how much you’re going to spend, and one person has a drastically different idea than the other, it’s very hard to create a budget and saving plan

That said, retirement budget planning is possible in this situation. There are just a few things you need to do to make it work.

What Does Retirement Look Like for Both of You?

The first thing to remember is that retirement looks very different for different people, even in a couple. One partner may decide to retire before the other, for instance. If this happens, you’ll need to have a budget for that situation. There is potential for friction here, though.

If one partner is working and the other is retired, the working partner may feel some resentment. This can happen even if they are continuing to work by choice and enjoy their work. It can be harder to budget in this scenario as well. You’re no longer both working, but you both haven’t retired yet, either. During this period, it helps to have a modified budget that reflects your financial reality. 

Even when both partners plan to retire at the same time, figuring out what retirement looks like to both of you is incredibly important.

One partner may picture a retirement filled with international travel, dining out around the town, and finally doing all the things they weren’t able to do when they were working. On the other hand, their spouse might see this as an opportunity to slow things down, spend more time at home, and enjoy friends and family. These two visions don’t just depict completely different retirements; they also require different budgets. 

Communication

The most important part of retirement budget planning for couples is communication. Often, one partner goes about living their life the way they please without thinking that maybe their partner wants something different. If the two of you don’t bring it up and don’t discuss it calmly and respectfully, it can breed resentment. 

Sometimes that resentment can feel like “I don’t get to do what I want” while other times it can feel like “They’re overspending all the time!” Both scenarios can cause arguments and hurt feelings.

Open communication often starts with understanding each other’s mindsets. Everyone has their own relationship with money that likely started being formed when they were still growing up. Some people are natural savers while others aren’t. Some have things that they consider “worth spending money on” and those may not be the same things their partner values. Discussing these mindsets can help the two of you come to a compromise that supports both of your goals.

Explore Shared Goals and Find Commonality 

While the two of you may have different spending habits, you likely also have several shared goals. While it’s easy to talk about differences, it can really help to talk about things you both believe in, as well. When you clarify your shared goals, this can set you on the right path to start reaching them. If you both have a “finish line” that you’d like to get to, you’ll both make more intentional choices along the way. 

Don’t Look for Blame

Too often, people look for situations where they’re “right” and their partner is “wrong.” For instance, you might see spending money to go out to dinner with your friends as a wise use of your spending, while your partner might look at this as a waste and an example of how they’re “better with money” than you are.

Instead of heading in this direction, talk to your partner respectfully about the expense. Why was this important to them? How can you create a budget that respects both of you while still living within your means?

Discuss Risk

Retirement planning isn’t just about how much you spend and save; it’s also about where you put your money. Traditionally, most people shift their investments into moderate or low-risk accounts as they approach retirement age. 

However, each person has their own feelings around risk. Therefore, it’s important to talk about these risks as a couple, likely alongside a financial professional. That can help you both feel comfortable with the situation.