How to Downsize What Your Family Doesn’t Want
Downsizing is common as you get older. Throughout life, you collect a lot of things. The dinnerware set you got as an anniversary gift. The book collection you’ve built over decades. The large furniture pieces that filled your living room and dining room. These are all great things that meant a lot to you. However, they also take up space.
That can be a problem if you’re looking to move into a smaller property as you age. A lot of retirees realize that they don’t need quite as much space as they get older. Your kids are out of the house, and they may have their own families by now. That means social events and family gatherings that once took place at your home might now happen at several different locations. If that’s the case, you might not want to hold onto the family home (and all of the stuff in it) any longer.
Having a large home filled with things is also more difficult to deal with. You need to dust more often. You need to walk more carefully because you have less space. You need to clean more. This can become more difficult as you get older and you might eventually decide that you don’t want to do it any longer. That’s another reason for downsizing.
When You Can’t Get Rid of Things
When you start downsizing, you might find a lot of things that you want to throw away or donate, but you may also find other objects that are more difficult to part with. Sometimes it will be because they have sentimental value, but other times it will be because they’re just tough to get rid of. Many retirees want to give these items and heirlooms to their children or grandchildren.
Often, this works perfectly. You find something that you really love and thing that it would be great in your daughter’s home or your grandson’s room. They love it too, take it in, and everyone is happy. However, that’s not always how it works.
Sometimes, they don’t have any room for the heirloom. If you have a dining table or a hutch that you love, but want to clear out, they may not be able to take it even if they love it, too. Many modern homes don’t have dedicated dining rooms, or they may already have a table or a cabinet and not need the one you’re getting rid of. A lot of older furniture is larger and designed to serve a single purpose, while modern furniture tends to be sleeker and slimmer and multifunctional. Again, this means your furniture may not be needed.
There are also items that just don’t fit a person’s lifestyle. You always hear stories of parents trying to give their children the fine China they got as a wedding gift, only to have the children tell them they wouldn’t use it. Tastes change over the years and the things that you loved and that were your style may no longer fit with Millennials and Gen Z children.
So, what do you do?
Downsizing Difficult Items
The process of downsizing and getting rid of items your children or grandchildren don’t want can be logistically and emotional difficult. The first step is to deal with the emotions. Family heirlooms or items that you’ve had and loved for a long time can be difficult to part with. This can be even tougher if your family members don’t want them. You may feel emotionally rejected. These are things that you think are beautiful, why don’t they want them?
It’s important to remember that this situation typically isn’t personal. In the vast majority of cases, your family members aren’t saying no to the pieces because of anything personal. They simply don’t have room for them or prefer something that is a different style. This can feel hurtful, but it’s important to remember their intent. They’re not trying to hurt you or pass judgment on your sense of style. They’re just looking for something different.
There’s also the difficulty of parting with something meaningful forever. It’s nice to know that the table you had hundreds of meaningful meals around is staying in your family, for instance. It’s much harder when it’s leaving your life for good.
To help you cope with these feelings, take plenty of photos so you can always remember the item. If special moments have happened around it (such as if it was the table you ate holiday dinners at or if it was the first piece of furniture you ever bought for your home), write this information down or record a video. Talk about who used it and what made it special. Keep all this information in a special place where you can look at it if needed. Then it’s time to say goodbye.
Getting Rid of Items
One of the best ways to overcome the guilt or sadness associated with giving something important away is to find someone else who will truly appreciate it. If the item is very old, consider a historical society or museum. They may not want to take everything, but some special items are highly appreciated.
Another option is to find a dedicated collector. People collect items of all kinds, from dishes to furniture to vintage electronics. Search around online for collectors who may be interested in the items you have. Yes, you won’t be giving them away to someone in your family, but you are giving them to someone who will appreciate and enjoy them. That is worth a lot, and it can help you feel good about the donation.
Certain items may be treasured by antique stores and vintage retailers. Yes, they’re going to sell your items, so they’re not treasuring them the way you may have, but at least they’re going to make sure someone who loves the item will end up getting it. This can be more comforting than seeing it thrown out or scrapped.
If this doesn’t work, turn to online marketplaces and message boards, such as Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, or eBay. You’ll be able to sell or even give away items on these sites. Facebook Marketplace, for example, can be helpful since you can require the person taking the item to come pick it up. Large or difficult to move items can be tough to even give to charity, so having someone come pick it up is really valuable.
Speaking of charity, that is another option for many items. Donating to those who need what you have makes you feel good while also helping with downsizing. Every city and community has local charities, so you’ll be able to find some near you.
If you’re unable to sell, donate, or give items away, there may be no other choice but to throw them out. This can be demoralizing and upsetting and leave you feeling like no one cares. Again, it’s important to remember that others are rejecting the items, not you. It’s because styles changed or houses have different layouts or life isn’t the same as it once was. It’s not because of you.
You took photos and wrote down memories. You asked your family and tried to sell or donate items. You’ve done everything you can. You can feel proud of that. You should also remember that the meaning isn’t in the physical items themselves, it’s in the moments you shared around them and the people you were with. That remains even after the items are gone, especially if you wrote everything down or recorded videos. At this point, it’s time to say goodbye and keep moving forward with your life.
